Well hello there, it’s Daniel. How are you doin’? [insert your response]. Good, glad to hear it! It’s been a busy week at the studio so I found it a bit hard to even think about what to write about. Then, at one of my softball games, a foul pop fly narrowly missed smashing into a car and I had a flashback to a moment that shifted my life in a pretty meaningful way.

Buckle up, buttercup! We’re heading back in time almost 20 years!

sitting idol-y by

My third year of University was off the charts awesome, and also completely terrible in many ways. I was living in Guelph “studying” Drama (I use quotes because I never studied). Toward the end of the spring semester I played the lead in my first big musical and learned to really sing thanks to a great vocal coach. On a whim, I auditioned for a TV show called Canadian Idol at a mall in Oshawa and made it to the TV audition round. “Look at me”, I thought…”I learned to sing and now I’m going to be a rock star” – fun!

A few weeks later I was in Kitchener at a theatre in front of a zillion cameras and Ben Mulrooney ushered me onto a stage where I sang for the panel of “celebrity” judges (I use quotes because they weren’t really celebrities). I belted out a couple tunes, and was presented with a golden ticket – I’d made it to the Top 100 round of Canadian Idol. 30,000+ auditions and I made it? Wow! Look at me go!

A few more weeks later I gathered with 99ish other hopefuls in “Toronto” (I use quotes because TV lies and it was actually Mississauga). I waited all day for my group to go up. They were letting most people through to the next round so I was pumped. I took the stage in a line with 9 other people and we sang one by one. Everyone was so much better than me – like Whitney and Céline level vocals. I sang Elton John’s I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues. I sang well but my voice cracked a bit (and this unfortunately made it onto TV). They told Whitney and Celine to step forward. Then me! “I’m making it to the next round!”, I told myself.

Then…. for dramatic effect… the producers… cut our entire f’n row! As quickly as they had started, my Idol dreams ended.

I stayed positive. “Well, I guess I’m heading back to Guelph to get a summer job!”

Except I couldn’t get a job anywhere. Now all my housemates were gone for the summer. All my cast-mates from the musical were out of town… and I wasn’t filming a reality TV singing show. I was really going through it emotionally. Suddenly I went into a real funk, which I later learned was my first dance with depression. Good times.

I guess that’s why they call it the blues.

cracking open

I used the last of my money to drive my electric blue ‘88 Chevy Cavalier back to Collingwood to live with my mom and hopefully find a gig for the summer. I was broke and broken with no prospects and my year of highs was dipping pretty low.

One beautiful summer night I decided to go watch my sister-in-law Terri play softball in town to lighten things up. This is when a batter hit a foul pop fly that went far beyond the fence, into the parking lot and smashed the f!@#in’ windshield of the car I couldn’t afford. The crowd and players let out a collective gasp as everyone looked around to see who the recipient of bad luck had been. I didn’t even flinch.

I very calmly climbed down from the bleachers.
I very calmly got in the car and drove home with my head out the window.
I very calmly opened the door of our empty house and walked up to my bedroom.
I very calmly flopped face down on my bed…
and I that’s when I absolutely lost my f!@#ing $#!%.

I didn’t think I could cry that hard. I was cursing the Universe. That crack in the glass was the last straw and it broke me hard. It was a perfect metaphor for how I felt and I really didn’t know what I was going to do.

hellos and goodbyes

At this time in my life, I was extremely close with my two best friends and their mom, Jayne, who was effectively my second mom. She had recently beaten a breast cancer diagnosis and was full of life and love. No one made me feel okay to be me like she did, and no one made me laugh like her.

Jayne, always a ‘helpy helperton”, knew I needed a job and one day excitedly told me that a new chip truck had opened down at Sunset Point. She said they were hiring – and I told her I didn’t want to work in a chip wagon. That’s when she told me to get my $#!% together and lovingly forced me to go down and apply.

When I drove into the parking lot, I saw a big white truck with “The Chipper” written on the side. I met the owner, Jamie, and his very friendly, very french-Canadian wife, Carole. We chatted for a little bit, they hired me on the spot, and I started work the next day. That’s when I became the first employee at what is now Collingwood’s favourite (and only) waterfront restaurant.

To my surprise, I absolutely loved working in a food truck! Jamie, Carole and I made an amazing team and the two of them made everything so fun. Carole and I would cackle like school girls and Jamie would keep us in line. Our lunches would be absolutely crazy busy, and then I got to spend the afternoons in the outbuilding selling ice cream from a tiny window and staring at the water. I also got to eat a ton of french fries, burgers and ice cream for free. Life was finally taking a turn for the better.

It wasn’t even two weeks after I started working there when $#!% got really real. That year on Canada Day, Jayne suffered complications from a surgery and died very suddenly.

It completely rocked my world. I didn’t think I could cry that hard. A few short days later I was helping plan the funeral of one of my best friends. It was a cruel summer, indeed.

chipping away

I thought I’d had enough breakdowns for a while, but I was only just beginning to learn that life is all about ups and downs.

I spent every day of the summer with Jamie and Carole, and even a few nights a week having an olive martini or two. They were instant family to me. During slower times at The Chipper, we would have amazing conversations about life and the magic of the Universe. I remember telling Jamie about the baseball cracking my windshield – my literal breaking point. He’s an incredibly wise soul and would provide me with insights that shifted my perspective forever.

At one point, Jamie gave me a book to read, Illusions: Adventures of a Relectuant Messiah by Richard Bach. It opened my eyes to something that, deep down, I already knew. It taught me about personal spirituality, manifestation, and completely changed my life.

I started meditating, I read constantly, I wrote many songs, I reconnected with good friends, and I purposely put myself (and kept myself) in joyful situations.

The summer flew by, with hundreds of hamburgers, millions of scoops of ice cream, and about 14 self-help books that I read while sitting at the ice cream window. Truly nothing in my life has been the same since that summer.

life’s a ball

When I moved back to Collingwood 4 years ago, I went to see Jamie and Carole at The Chipper – whenever I see them it’s always as if no time has passed. I told them that Steve and I were starting a business and about all the ups and downs that had been going on in my life.

A short time later I found a box at the front door of my house with a card from Jamie and Carole. Inside was a new book I didn’t know existed – the sequel to Illusions, the book that changed my life. And there was one more thing inside…. a baseball. I immediately burst into tears… this time it was happy tears. What a beautiful gesture to remind me of my resiliency during this new chapter of my life.

While there was no specific message about the ball, it represented so much to me. It reminded me that bad things can lead to good things; that the hard times can lay the foundation for all the good times – and that, while life is not without loss, it is certainly not without love.

I know it was Divine intervention that lead Jayne to introduce me to The Chipper and I’ll always be grateful to the magical humans inside that chip truck who offered me a chance to break through the limitations of how I thought life worked. Who knew that serving french fries and ice cream would help me realize who I was and who I wanted to be?

That summer, while I didn’t make it far on Idol, the music flowed out of me. I’ll leave you with a couple lines from a song one that was inspired by all of this:

All it takes is a crack in the glass to make me lose it.
All it takes is a second chance and time to use it.

Be well, and keep breaking through.