I’ve got a good one for you today. We’re diving into the wonderful world of self-sabotage. We all do it, but we don’t always know we’re doing it.

Sometimes we sell ourselves short. We have a predetermined idea of what we’re capable of based on what we’ve experienced and things outside of our wheelhouse can feel wildly intimidating and unachievable. However, our beliefs about our abilities and our potential are often predicated on bull#!% lies.

This misunderstanding about our full potential can manifest as a form of self sabotage that follows us for as long as it remains in the shadows.

So to teach you a lesson, we’re going to go back to high school. I’ve got a great (and ridiculous) story for you, brought to you by the brave and brazen ninth-grade version of myself. It’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done, but one of the best lessons I’ve ever learned.

Now have a seat, open your textbook and let’s begin…

the science of self-sabotage

When I entered high-school I was scared $#!%less. I had been bullied for being me for years in elementary school and the idea of entering into a bigger arena with more people – let alone teenagers – was terrifying to me. Navigating the social dynamic of this foreign land was extremely intimidating for me.

I was always a good student, consistently on the honour roll, and as my first year progressed, I’d find myself surprised that my highest mark was in Science. I didn’t necessarily have a huge interest in it, but I was doing really well.

To communicate the marks of our tests and quizzes each week, our teacher gave us code names – mine was Bill Nye – and he would post the running results on the door of the science lab. Much to my surprise Bill Nye was always at the top.

On my midterm report card (which I still have to remind me of this story), my science teacher’s comment said “Daniel is the top student in the class…” – I was really proud of myself.

I continued to do well on quizzes and tests, until one day a group of my classmates gathered around the latest posting – I heard them complain, “who the hell is Bill Nye?” “What a nerd!” “What a loser!” –I was already chubby with glasses, I didn’t need more ammunition from these kids. That’s when things went south.

I stopped trying. I intentionally gave up on myself. I decided to dumb myself down and that  I’d be artsy instead of smart (as if I couldn’t be both).

For our final project, we were to give a  seminar to the whole class about a topic we had to choose from a list. Mine was on “speciation” – I still have no clue what it means – Why? Because I didn’t do the project! I had weeks to prepare and I did nothing. When I showed up for my seminar (which was a huge chunk of our final grade) I just improvised (who does that?). I wrote “SPECIATION” on the board and then just let ‘er rip.

In a moment of genius and stupidity, I went behind the front desk… took my shoe off…took my sock off,… put it on my hand… opened my textbook to the section about speciation… and just started reading. That’s right… I did an impromptu science sock puppet show.

I will never forget the look on my teacher’s face when I came up from behind that desk. That look of horror, confusion and unbridled disappointment is burned into my mind.

My final report card came out; I passed – but with a mark that was more than 30 points lower than my midterm mark. The one line comment from my science teacher: “I don’t know what happened…”

I know what happened, sir; I sabotaged myself.

the science of self-care

When Steve and I started developing Vortex, I knew I’d thrive in making people feel good, but doing it with all this wild, science-y self care technology? Yikes. Given my past with the big S-word, I was extremely intimidated.

My belief was that I wouldn’t be able to grasp or understand the concepts of how these technologies worked or be able to communicate them. I was supposed to be this local wellness guru and I had a serious case of imposter syndrome.

You can ask Steve, before we opened I was scared S#!%less because I felt stupid. Firstly, the comparison game was strong – I would often defer all science-based questions to Steve, as he has a degree in human biology and a Doctorate in Naturopathic Medicine…and I have a degree in Drama.

Now, since opening our doors, I’ve had hundreds and hundreds of conversations about the science behind everything we do. I’ll often chat with people about all the various technologies and biological benefits of our sessions and people are usually impressed by my passion and ability to communicate it. At first, I would brush this off as “I’m an actor…. I can memorize lines” and belittle my ability to actually grasp it. That may have been true at first, but I eventually started to get it.

Turns out I was selling myself short. My desire to help people rose to the occasion and I learned what I needed to know. Ultimately, I had to walk the walk in order to dismantle the walls I’d built around my capabilities and free myself from the lies I’d created.

Funny enough, I would come to realize that most people actually don’t give a $#!% how or why things work. My concern that everyone would need me to have a PhD level of knowledge was unfounded. Ultimately, I learned people just want to feel good. And I was confident that we had the goods to make people feel great.

unlearning limiting beliefs

While it might have seemed like a totally silly high school mishap, my sock-puppet science seminar was a major turning point in my life. I linked intelligence with being a “nerd” and I linked being a nerd with rejection. I’d subconsciously self-sabotaged and totally f’d myself over!

I had burned down the belief that I was good at science, and reprogrammed myself to say I wasn’t – and that is the belief that stuck with me for years. It took me a long time to break that ridiculous lie. I had to forgive myself for stunting my growth because I was afraid.

This is what us humans do though – we unfortunately allow things outside of us to dictate what goes on inside. And in that unconscious practice, we do a disservice to ourselves and create a perpetual pattern of limitation.

When we shove our intelligence, gifts and talents into a box, we keep ourselves small. It feels safer that way for a time, but ultimately it shrinks our potential beyond belief.

It’s important to remember that the only thing holding us back is ourselves.

We’ve got to keep pushing ourselves into new experiences, revisit old ones, and show ourselves what we’re capable of. Old dogs can learn new tricks and old dogs can learn old  tricks, my friend!

Make the decision that you’re smarter and more talented than you’ve given yourself credit for.

Release the nonsense and lies you’ve told yourself and let yourself move freely through life with the knowing that you are, in fact, limitless.

And next time you’re curious about the science-backed self care we feature at our state-of-the-art wellness studio, come on in and ask me all about it! I’m now happy and confident to share my understanding of it all.

And if it’s hard for you to grasp, let me know and I’ll take my sock off to explain ;)